Back to Glasgow
Catch up with our Scottish Graduate for Arts and Humanities (SGSAH) supported CDA researcher, Lauren, during her time in Berlin.
Me again,
My second and final month in Berlin was spent working on my main project – a short documentary which would utilise all the skills learned in the month prior. I’m fairly indecisive as a person, so choosing a topic was always going to be a struggle. At this point in the course, it became obvious that no matter the topic or style I planned to execute, what really mattered was that my heart was in it. This also coincided with a period of missing the familiarity and mundanity of home, my friends, family, even our old postman and how tanned he normally is at this time of year. In all my previous creative endeavours, Scotland and its people have accidentally been the focus. Being in Berlin made me realise that my heart really rests with my own culture. It was a bumpy ride trying to figure out how best to approach a documentary topic outwith Scotland, and the people I know best. My first port of call was obviously pigeons, Glasgow’s misunderstood pets. I happen to like pigeons and thought that if I could find a quirky German pigeon keeper I’d be touching on home and Berlin simultaneously. Though, after some time attempting to find my perfect Herzog-esque protagonist, it became apparent that it was easier to find a pigeon to eat than to portrait.
As I waited for the right idea to come, I continued slowly exploring the colossus that is Berlin. I visited the library ‘Staatsbibliothek zu Berlin’, a wonderful place, bright orange and peaceful. I also got a brilliant library card with a buffalo on it which I am very happy with. I visited the exhibition “Sound Works”, recommended to me by my hairdresser which featured Marina Abramovic, Laurie Anderson and Miranda July. After working with various microphones at MetFilm I held a new appreciation for the artistry of sound and found the combination of oral storytelling and soundscapes very inspiring.
Eventually I decided to use my time in Berlin to help steer my documentary topic, when I landed on the first meaningful connection I’d had here with South Korean Artist, Eujin Won. Eujin has attended a variety of weekend markets in Berlin for the past 8 years, sitting at her small stall entitled ‘3-Minute Portraits’ whereby she portraits the person opposite her using calligraphy paper, ink and water in around 3 minutes. Eujin then writes the subject’s name in Korean and signs it. I wanted to find a protagonist to document within my own film and as Eujin portraits the people of Berlin, I thought it would be interesting to portrait someone who portraits others. We met for a coffee to discuss the idea, we both brought our analogue cameras and took photographs of each other and ended our coffees willing to give the documentary a go, happy to see how it goes. Outside the cafe, I noticed a large Rhino Beetle on the ground and pointed it out to Eujin who, to my surprise picked it up. Although I may not have found my Pigeon Keeper, I had certainly found a Beetle Wrangler.
Over the following weeks I visited Eujin in her Atelier and attended the local markets with her, documenting her as she documented others. For me, it was interesting to observe her subjects walking in the same steps I had that first time I encountered Eujin, and it was interesting for her to watch the footage back, seeing herself from the subject’s angle. In quiet spells at the markets, I took photographs of her, filmed her and tried my hand at painting, though unsuccessfully. But interestingly, Eujin also began photographing and filming me. Whilst I was attempting to portrait her, she was also attempting to portrait me and the documentary evolved into something else, and I was happy to watch it unravel. Throughout the process Eujin was incredibly patient with me as I attempted to navigate all the equipment needed to make a documentary. I was more donkey than human transporting it around the various locations we filmed at, and she always shared the load with me. During our time together we bonded over analogue cameras, documentation, love, art, womanhood, family and became good friends. Learning about her life and art inspired me to nurture my own life and creativity in a different way.
During the production weeks, my boyfriend, mum, dad and sister Nikki came to visit. I hadn’t been on a holiday abroad with my parents since 2018, so it was exciting for us all to experience Berlin together. We wandered around the museums, ate many nice meals and cakes, enjoyed each other’s company and took in the city at a slow pace. I was grateful that they found the city overwhelming, I thought I was perhaps too fragile to really take the reins in a place like Berlin, but I guess it’s a family affliction and there’s some comfort in that.
When it came to post-production, I had amassed over 11 hours of footage which had to be edited into a 10-minute documentary, safe to say the post-production weeks were heavy. It was a massacre of darlings. Though, with long hours and developing a somewhat desensitised outlook over my own footage I was able to cut 11 hours down to 10 and a half minutes. We screened our films with our tutor Jide on Wednesday the 23rd and he admired my ambition and courage for representing people as they are. The course wouldn’t have been the same without Jide, he was a very inspiring teacher and I’m grateful for our time together.
When I left Berlin, it rained. The city seemed unhappy to have me but also sad to see me go. The journey back was chaos. I boarded the wrong train with two huge suitcases, going in the opposite direction to the airport when I realised that I hadn’t checked in for my flight home. Many public tears were shed. Luckily, I managed to check in at the airport and boarded the plane back to Scotland and was welcomed home by my boyfriend, Kieran. Yes, more tears.
Of my time in Berlin, my unexpected friendships with Eujin and my course mate, Simon, the opportunity to work with inspiring people like Jide, learning to navigate a new city on my own, be independent and nurture my own creativity is what I’ll treasure most. Although I never got to meet Alasdair Gray in person, I’ve felt a growing connection towards him since I began the PhD. Gray’s creative approach to making, his resourcefulness and distinctive take on the world had a profound influence on the way I approached the making of my own documentary, and that’s a legacy I’m proud to be even a small part of. Attending film school in Berlin is not something I ever thought I would be able to say I had done, and now I have. I’ve also made my first documentary, my first “work of art” as Frida Kahlo wrote on the back of one of her first paintings.
I’d like to extend my thanks. Firstly, I’m extremely grateful to my supervisors, Rodge Glass, Eleanor Bell and Sorcha Dallas for their continued support and trusting that going to Berlin was to learn, not just to party. To Ingrid Naismith, Helen Larmour and Sam Morton for assisting me with planning and the many hiccups along the way. My thanks to the SGSAH team, Claire Squires and Monica Callaghan for the funding – it was an incredible opportunity that I’m glad I could make the most of. To Abby Carter for turning this measly word document into a living, breathing blog. Finally, I’m very lucky to have the lovely people in my life who messaged me whilst away, visited me and listened to my grumbles and gloats on the phone and kept me afloat in times that it all felt too much. I’m very glad to be back, to see the tanned postman and excited to start planning my short film about Alasdair Gray and a disappearing Glasgow.
I’ll finish with an idiom I learned in Berlin, “Alles hat ein Ende, nur die Wurst hat zwei” meaning, “everything has an end, only the sausage has two.”
Yours aye,
Lauren
Loved reading this, your warmth, humour and curiosity - and that you found your inspiring beetle-wrangler and fast drawer/painter Eujin! Can we see your resulting documentary somewhere? Would love to see it.